I’ve been through breakups, some easier than others, but my first initial thoughts are always the same. What is it about me that makes me so difficult to love? Then I get my high heeled shoes out and dance to Why don’t you love me? by Beyoncé, because everybody needs Beyoncé when they’re going through hard times, right?
Jokes aside, the next step I made was always to identify the flaws that sent the guy away.
“You should work out and make him regret he decided to leave you,” a friend messages me.
“You should find out what you’re doing to drive these guys away, and fix it.”
Change was what I looked into next, because obviously if I’m not attracting a guy with the personality or looks that I have now, there must be something wrong with me, right?
Although this drive is a great way to get pumped, is it really the healthiest way to get things done?
Working out to get the perfect body post breakup, when spawned out of revenge, or created from the whole idea that just because one guy rejects you, you’re not good enough, sounds a little ridiculous now. I mean, there are enough girls with self-esteem issues out there already, without adding the perceived ‘need to change’ because someone doesn’t want to spend their rest of their life with you.
This is what we need to evolve from.
Shaping yourself to please others just seems barbaric. This assumption that we need to look better hinges on the idea that people only like us for our bodies, not our minds and characters. But what will really get us through meeting people who aren’t right for us isn’t a spotless exterior, but a stainless-steel-strong inside. Instead of criticising and refining who we are on the outside, why don’t we appreciate ourselves for being strong and resilient enough to go through rejection, yet stay true to ourselves!
So, instead of changing ourselves post breakup to ‘get over them’ and make them jealous, maybe the best way to handle a situation like this is to start right back at positivity. Get a piece of paper out and write down ten amazing things about yourself on it. Take some time out and appreciate yourself. Date yourself. Fall back in love with yourself, and what makes you awesome.
Rise from the metaphorical ashes of the horrid breakup to become something more, an evolved and powerful person – that appreciates being you.
Because you are amazing already.▼